Her: did you know nematodes are what causes elephantiasis?
Him: better check my schlong for nematodes!
Nematodes and elephantiasis
Reply
Fatal flatulence
Msg to Her:
I just farted and nearly died from it
The last thing I need…
Her (with ongoing vag problems): is our internet slow?
Him: I dunno. You’re probably killing it by downloading videos or something.
Her: Yes. That’s it; I’m watching porn while working.
Him: I knew it!
Her: because exactly what I want right now is a throbbing vagina!
New iOS measure tool
Him: have you tried the new measuring tool in iOS 12?
Her: no
Him: it’s a little disappointing; it seems to only work up close
Her: I’m sure you’ve used it to measure your dong already.
Him: no, actually, but that’s a great idea
Donna Summers Last Dance (12” version)
Him: Is that twelve inches? I guess it could be twelve minutes.
Her: (weird look) I don’t want 12 minutes of anything to do with Donna Summers disco
Him: So you’d rather have 12″ of Donna Summers?
Her: Definitely
Glory holes
(Her not wanting to put out): I’m going to have a glory hole cut in the house.
Him: do you know what a glory hole is? That’s not going to help your cause.
Her: I’m going to install (dog name) at the glory hole along with a peanut butter dispenser.
Sloth and Carl Lewis
To her: you’re like a sloth in the morning. Actually, the sloths are like Carl Lewis compared to you. They fight over who gets to race you like skinny girls keep a fat girl around to make them look good.
You don’t even want to smell my fingers right now
I just smelled my fingers and they smell like fish and stank. I guess it was the mussels and blue cheese.
Size matters…
Her: who wants a big vagina?!
Her: NOBODY!
Holst and the planets
Her: I don’t like Mars, it’s too war like. But I really like Saturn and Jupiter.
Him: I prefer Uranus.