To her: you’re like a sloth in the morning. Actually, the sloths are like Carl Lewis compared to you. They fight over who gets to race you like skinny girls keep a fat girl around to make them look good.
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You don’t even want to smell my fingers right now
I just smelled my fingers and they smell like fish and stank. I guess it was the mussels and blue cheese.
deep thoughts
There comes that time in every woman’s life when she realizes she wants to get her husband with a strap-on
Her worst nightmare
Naked & Afraid on TV: I have so many mosquito bites on my vagina–it hurts so bad.
her in real life: [eyes wide]
Dos EquisÂ
Him to Her: I am the world’s most interesting man and you are the world’s pickiest eater.
Doing it… Again
Him: So are we gonna get back in the habit of doing it or what?
Dick Wolf got tired of being a pussy…
So he left Law & Order and started on Chicago PD. On Chicago PD, if someone hurts a child or other innocent, asses are guaranteed to get beaten.
I’m so good…
(Flipping pork chop in skillet): I’m so good at flipping using only the pan that sometimes I accidentally double flip it.
Farts in my robe
I’ve been having terrible Brussels
Sprouts and garlic farts all night…and they’re hiding in my robe. Their smell just lingers in there.
The nips are angry
Said by her.